I'm working on self-confidence and self-kindness. Having faith and trust in myself. Loving myself like a dear friend.
There are no classes in this? Why are there no instructions for how to do this? It is of utmost importance. Self-efficacy (the belief "I can do this") and self-confidence (the belief in one's own strength and skill) are keystones to success.
The placebo effect is real and powerful. More powerful than most medicines that have been invented. Truly, your self-beliefs can severely cripple or super-charge your effectiveness in just about anything you want to do. Why are we ignoring this fact?
I'm teaching in public schools, and there is nothing in the world more universally damaging to the students' happiness and success than their utter lack of self-support and confidence in themselves. It affects so many, so deeply.
I'm no longer looking for a solution just for my own sake, I'm looking for a solution because I am in a position to give that solution to many other people. I suppose I should let you know my findings, if I have any success.
Wednesday, November 1, 2017
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
The enemy in your skull
This is actually an old writing of mine, on a scrap of paper, that's been sitting around in my to-do tray for months. Now I can throw out that piece of paper. Here it is, transcribed:
This path is challenging. The opponent is composed of elements of your own mind, given life, desire, and fear by beliefs you hold with such certainty you don't even realize they are beliefs, you thin, no, not even thought. Sub-thought. Almost instinct. You instinctually know these things are true, like gravity. Like the hand in front of your face. "I'm a failure" "she will hurt me" "he's out to get me" etc. Ad naus.
Only, they're not true. No more true than the monsters in your closet. That's very good news. That means there's hope.
This path is challenging. The opponent is composed of elements of your own mind, given life, desire, and fear by beliefs you hold with such certainty you don't even realize they are beliefs, you thin, no, not even thought. Sub-thought. Almost instinct. You instinctually know these things are true, like gravity. Like the hand in front of your face. "I'm a failure" "she will hurt me" "he's out to get me" etc. Ad naus.
Only, they're not true. No more true than the monsters in your closet. That's very good news. That means there's hope.
Monday, September 4, 2017
An 80-20 split: practice, read. Your prayer to the Ultimate: Live, Love, Laugh. You are held to my breast, dear child: you are safe with me.
Practice! Practice! Practice! If you read something nice in a book, practice it! If you hear something inspiring and right, live it! If you are presented with wisdom, chew on it until you've assimilated it. Then put it into practice.
There are so many words, so many books. Even the wisest of them is worth absolutely nothing if it is merely read and then left, forgotten. Better to read just one deep sentence and practice it for the rest of your life than read a mountain of the wisest literature and keep it all up in your head, intellectually understood but not embodied or lived.
You KNOW at least one wise thing that would be great if you put into practice already. Do it! Stop reading! Just start doing it for two minutes. And then, maybe again, tomorrow, for two more. And perhaps the next day. Just two minutes. Just one. That would be far more useful than reading all the wise things I or anyone else has ever written.
In general, I'd recommend maybe an 80-20 split, of doing to reading. 20% learning wisdom, 80% practicing it. But better to err on the side of too much doing. 80% means not just for a few minutes a day, while sitting in meditation. It means all of life should become a meditation. A walking, breathing prayer to the Ultimate, to the light of Absolute good that is the fabric of reality. That is Love, full and without condition.
Live it. As much as you can, live it. Do it. Stop thinking about it. Don't be afraid. Put your trust in that Light like a child laying back in its mother's arms and it will hold and protect you like a perfect parent. Don't worry about messing it up. Life is supposed to be messy. You're supposed to mess it up. Sometimes. But we keep going, and God doesn't love you any less, in fact he, we, all, love you even more, for having tried. For continuing to try, for not giving up. It means nothing if success is guaranteed every time, first time. Live, and get dirty, and know that you are loved like the dirty, mud-covered child you are. Laugh at it. It's really pretty funny, when you get a large enough perspective. Except for the sad people who have forgotten how to laugh. Who have forgotten so much.
Be brave in your joy. Do not fear it. I wish that for all of you. And of course for myself, for whome this post is most for.
There are so many words, so many books. Even the wisest of them is worth absolutely nothing if it is merely read and then left, forgotten. Better to read just one deep sentence and practice it for the rest of your life than read a mountain of the wisest literature and keep it all up in your head, intellectually understood but not embodied or lived.
You KNOW at least one wise thing that would be great if you put into practice already. Do it! Stop reading! Just start doing it for two minutes. And then, maybe again, tomorrow, for two more. And perhaps the next day. Just two minutes. Just one. That would be far more useful than reading all the wise things I or anyone else has ever written.
In general, I'd recommend maybe an 80-20 split, of doing to reading. 20% learning wisdom, 80% practicing it. But better to err on the side of too much doing. 80% means not just for a few minutes a day, while sitting in meditation. It means all of life should become a meditation. A walking, breathing prayer to the Ultimate, to the light of Absolute good that is the fabric of reality. That is Love, full and without condition.
Live it. As much as you can, live it. Do it. Stop thinking about it. Don't be afraid. Put your trust in that Light like a child laying back in its mother's arms and it will hold and protect you like a perfect parent. Don't worry about messing it up. Life is supposed to be messy. You're supposed to mess it up. Sometimes. But we keep going, and God doesn't love you any less, in fact he, we, all, love you even more, for having tried. For continuing to try, for not giving up. It means nothing if success is guaranteed every time, first time. Live, and get dirty, and know that you are loved like the dirty, mud-covered child you are. Laugh at it. It's really pretty funny, when you get a large enough perspective. Except for the sad people who have forgotten how to laugh. Who have forgotten so much.
Be brave in your joy. Do not fear it. I wish that for all of you. And of course for myself, for whome this post is most for.
Sunday, August 27, 2017
Self-compassion
Working on loving myself, accepting myself, not being so hypercritical.
Self-criticism is a defense mechanism. It keeps others from criticising us. Also, it's a sign in general of our ability to be non-judgmental, of others as well as ourselves. It's easier to be non-critical of people who are strangers or acquaintances, but once people get close to us, the judgments come. Thus being self-critical likely means, perhaps inevitably means, that person will harbor judgment and criticism for family and romantic partners.
God is unconditional love. The truth of the universe is unconditional love. For all of you, for each of you.
This does not mean the universe condones behavior that is not in line with the Tao, with Dharma, with Righteousness. But the saying is hate the behavior, not the person. Never the person. Hate the ignorance that is warping the behavior, but know that at the core of all of us is a perfect divine spark.
The question I have is how to reconcile these two seeming opposites: radical and unconditional self (and other) acceptance and love, and radical self-responsibility and the holding of oneself to a high standard of Righteous behavior. Love and acceptance but not permissiveness.
I don't know what that feels like. It's mostly one or the other for me. Need to investigate further and ask for enlightenment on the matter from Life, God, my higher self.
My first lead is just trying to talk to myself like I'm talking to a cute little kid. Externalizing that makes it easier to understand, because it's easier to forgive and be compassionate towards others.
Self-criticism is a defense mechanism. It keeps others from criticising us. Also, it's a sign in general of our ability to be non-judgmental, of others as well as ourselves. It's easier to be non-critical of people who are strangers or acquaintances, but once people get close to us, the judgments come. Thus being self-critical likely means, perhaps inevitably means, that person will harbor judgment and criticism for family and romantic partners.
God is unconditional love. The truth of the universe is unconditional love. For all of you, for each of you.
This does not mean the universe condones behavior that is not in line with the Tao, with Dharma, with Righteousness. But the saying is hate the behavior, not the person. Never the person. Hate the ignorance that is warping the behavior, but know that at the core of all of us is a perfect divine spark.
The question I have is how to reconcile these two seeming opposites: radical and unconditional self (and other) acceptance and love, and radical self-responsibility and the holding of oneself to a high standard of Righteous behavior. Love and acceptance but not permissiveness.
I don't know what that feels like. It's mostly one or the other for me. Need to investigate further and ask for enlightenment on the matter from Life, God, my higher self.
My first lead is just trying to talk to myself like I'm talking to a cute little kid. Externalizing that makes it easier to understand, because it's easier to forgive and be compassionate towards others.
Friday, June 30, 2017
Maximum Berry
The ripe berry comes easily from the bush.
It sounds like a koan, and perhaps it is, but it's a nature koan. Something that is simply an observation of how nature functions, and inherently profound, because nature is smart.
I was tugging on some raspberries that looked like they might be ripe in the garden at my house, but they weren't coming off, and I knew better than to force them off. If they're not ripe, they are disappointingly sour.
I think this is perhaps a good metaphor for the idea of rushing and forcing things to happen before they are ready. Some things happen in the ripeness of time, and that cannot be rushed. pulling on a sprout will not make it grow faster, it will just damage and perhaps kill it.
Intelligent discrimination must be used in the application of this nature koan. One could misapply the Berry Maxim to excuse procrastination or lack of hard work. But again, nature shows the way: there is a season for everything, and when the berry is ripe, or the acorns are dropping, there is intense activity with laser focus. I guess you could make a more well-rounded maxim by saying: know when it is time to rest, and when it is time to act, and whichever it is, do it with the entirety of your being.
May you carry the wisdom of the seasons with you. Goodbye until next time. (which is apparently in a day? So says my calendar. Must have been really late getting this one out.)
It sounds like a koan, and perhaps it is, but it's a nature koan. Something that is simply an observation of how nature functions, and inherently profound, because nature is smart.
I was tugging on some raspberries that looked like they might be ripe in the garden at my house, but they weren't coming off, and I knew better than to force them off. If they're not ripe, they are disappointingly sour.
I think this is perhaps a good metaphor for the idea of rushing and forcing things to happen before they are ready. Some things happen in the ripeness of time, and that cannot be rushed. pulling on a sprout will not make it grow faster, it will just damage and perhaps kill it.
Intelligent discrimination must be used in the application of this nature koan. One could misapply the Berry Maxim to excuse procrastination or lack of hard work. But again, nature shows the way: there is a season for everything, and when the berry is ripe, or the acorns are dropping, there is intense activity with laser focus. I guess you could make a more well-rounded maxim by saying: know when it is time to rest, and when it is time to act, and whichever it is, do it with the entirety of your being.
May you carry the wisdom of the seasons with you. Goodbye until next time. (which is apparently in a day? So says my calendar. Must have been really late getting this one out.)
Thursday, June 8, 2017
Life is the Greatest Teacher. Live it!
I am behind on these posts. Ironically, posting less frequently may make my likelihood of posting less, since it doesn't become habitual.
I'm thinking the best way to catch up is to do some short posts. I'm not sure whether to apologize for this, or say your welcome, since I don't know which kind of post is preferred. Feel free to leave a comment with your preference.
I was surprisingly tired today. I never used to be able to nap during the day, but these days, I can often nap for long periods of time, midday, as long as I have a blindfold of some sort on. Perhaps this is old age? Perhaps this is just getting up early every day.
Yesterday was... a lot of attachment and being driven by my senses. I started reading a book about some of the best graphic novels of all time, and I got sucked in and even missed my appointment with my psychologist (I'm seeing him more in a positive phycology, Abraham Maslow, Self-Actualization kind of way, rather than because I have serious problems.) Which was very disturbing. So out of control. Such amount of wasted time. Today I set some precommitments about what I would do when I got home and, though there were a few modifications, I mostly followed through with it. The nap was part of it, since if I was fatigued it was more likely I'd wander astray and do worse work. That was a smart move. And then I got cracking on my homework. Not perfect, but much better than the previous days.
I can't stress enough, how important doing ordinary life is to the integrity of a spiritual seeker. There is a cunning sickness that creeps into many seekers, where they detach from the world, but not in a mature way. They detach like a child, who is afraid. They gleefully give up their duties, tell themselves all that mundane stuff isn't important, that they'll just meditate their problems away. And thus they become sick in spirit, because spirit requires Truth and Righteousness to grow in a healthy strong way. And denying our duty is not in line with Righteousness, and deep down, we feel the wrongness of shirking our duties, but we ignore that voice, and thus we go against truth, our own truth, our own voice of truth within us, telling us that we are being irresponsible, not living up to our duties.
Understand this: you must do your mundane, unsexy, perhaps boring, or uncomfortable, jobs and responsibilities, BEFORE you can truly enter onto the spiritual path. Being able to brush your teeth, maintain your relationships, keep your word, be kind to others, support yourself... if you can't do those things, any spirituality you are developing is diseased and rotten at its roots and will eventually topple over because of that. There are many charismatic spiritual Guru's who can't hold down a normal job, and so they charge money for meditation or spiritual instruction, because that's all they're good at. Because they can't do the normal things necessary in life to support themselves, and never could. This is a hideous mockery of true spirituality, and they often do great harm to their followers, because, though their words may be sweet and intellectually satisfying, the subtle energy of the falsehood and spiritual immaturity they live is transferred into their teachings, and makes the teachings ineffective at best.
(though, as an aside, there are always amazing students who are able to learn and progress despite poor teachers.)
Let me distil this all down to a few simple action points:
First:
When selecting spiritual teachers or guides, give them a good, long scrutiny period, where you carefully research:
A) Their actual conduct, their lives, whether they are virtuous people, whether they practice all that they teach.
B) The results of their teachings, in your direct experience, and even more, the results of their teachings on their long-term students. Make sure you look at many students, not just the exceptional ones, and make sure you get the real story, not the ad campaign.
Second:
Common sense comes before divine sense. Your ability to be successful in fulfilling your duties towards people and the world is a precondition of spiritual detachment. You must practice your spiritual disciplines starting right away, but they should not take precedence over your duty to wife, family, society. Your duty, your responsibilities, are your spiritual path, and to flee them for a meditation cave, or the intellectual detachment and rationalization of theoretical advaita, will not result in enlightenment even after a thousand lifetimes.
Understand: your life is your greatest Guru, and presents you exactly the tricky situations that you need to overcome and master to take your next step on the path. Running away from that is running away from your Sad Guru (not a crying man with beard and robe; it means your main teacher, one that has reached the goal and who's dharma is to help ferry others along the way, and that you have surrendered to and committed to. Can also refer to the voice of God within you.)
I'm thinking the best way to catch up is to do some short posts. I'm not sure whether to apologize for this, or say your welcome, since I don't know which kind of post is preferred. Feel free to leave a comment with your preference.
I was surprisingly tired today. I never used to be able to nap during the day, but these days, I can often nap for long periods of time, midday, as long as I have a blindfold of some sort on. Perhaps this is old age? Perhaps this is just getting up early every day.
Yesterday was... a lot of attachment and being driven by my senses. I started reading a book about some of the best graphic novels of all time, and I got sucked in and even missed my appointment with my psychologist (I'm seeing him more in a positive phycology, Abraham Maslow, Self-Actualization kind of way, rather than because I have serious problems.) Which was very disturbing. So out of control. Such amount of wasted time. Today I set some precommitments about what I would do when I got home and, though there were a few modifications, I mostly followed through with it. The nap was part of it, since if I was fatigued it was more likely I'd wander astray and do worse work. That was a smart move. And then I got cracking on my homework. Not perfect, but much better than the previous days.
I can't stress enough, how important doing ordinary life is to the integrity of a spiritual seeker. There is a cunning sickness that creeps into many seekers, where they detach from the world, but not in a mature way. They detach like a child, who is afraid. They gleefully give up their duties, tell themselves all that mundane stuff isn't important, that they'll just meditate their problems away. And thus they become sick in spirit, because spirit requires Truth and Righteousness to grow in a healthy strong way. And denying our duty is not in line with Righteousness, and deep down, we feel the wrongness of shirking our duties, but we ignore that voice, and thus we go against truth, our own truth, our own voice of truth within us, telling us that we are being irresponsible, not living up to our duties.
Understand this: you must do your mundane, unsexy, perhaps boring, or uncomfortable, jobs and responsibilities, BEFORE you can truly enter onto the spiritual path. Being able to brush your teeth, maintain your relationships, keep your word, be kind to others, support yourself... if you can't do those things, any spirituality you are developing is diseased and rotten at its roots and will eventually topple over because of that. There are many charismatic spiritual Guru's who can't hold down a normal job, and so they charge money for meditation or spiritual instruction, because that's all they're good at. Because they can't do the normal things necessary in life to support themselves, and never could. This is a hideous mockery of true spirituality, and they often do great harm to their followers, because, though their words may be sweet and intellectually satisfying, the subtle energy of the falsehood and spiritual immaturity they live is transferred into their teachings, and makes the teachings ineffective at best.
(though, as an aside, there are always amazing students who are able to learn and progress despite poor teachers.)
Let me distil this all down to a few simple action points:
First:
When selecting spiritual teachers or guides, give them a good, long scrutiny period, where you carefully research:
A) Their actual conduct, their lives, whether they are virtuous people, whether they practice all that they teach.
B) The results of their teachings, in your direct experience, and even more, the results of their teachings on their long-term students. Make sure you look at many students, not just the exceptional ones, and make sure you get the real story, not the ad campaign.
Second:
Common sense comes before divine sense. Your ability to be successful in fulfilling your duties towards people and the world is a precondition of spiritual detachment. You must practice your spiritual disciplines starting right away, but they should not take precedence over your duty to wife, family, society. Your duty, your responsibilities, are your spiritual path, and to flee them for a meditation cave, or the intellectual detachment and rationalization of theoretical advaita, will not result in enlightenment even after a thousand lifetimes.
Understand: your life is your greatest Guru, and presents you exactly the tricky situations that you need to overcome and master to take your next step on the path. Running away from that is running away from your Sad Guru (not a crying man with beard and robe; it means your main teacher, one that has reached the goal and who's dharma is to help ferry others along the way, and that you have surrendered to and committed to. Can also refer to the voice of God within you.)
Sunday, April 16, 2017
Anxiety, Improv dance, surrendering the fruits of action to God
I've been doing a rather stressful job. Interning with a challenging 4th grade. It's been emotionally difficult, leading to anxiety and feelings of failure and hopelessness, due to me being not good at it, and there being high stakes on the line (the kid's future. And thus the world's future.)
So it has been a great impetus to remember to continually surrender the fruits of my actions to God. Because frankly, I don't want most of them. They are probably bad fruits. Bad results, due to my negligence. There are some good results as well, but I don't want those either. it gives me joy to see the children happy and well served, but I have no desire to become attached to those outcomes, because it is then so painful when I am not successful in reaching them.
So, lots of practice with that, and with a throughout the day meditation of namasmarana (which translates to remembering the name of God. "Nama" means name, or salutations, "Smarana" means remembering or memory. At least, I think that's about right. My Sanskrit isn't top notch.) Which is useful for the frequent bouts of anxiety.
Interesting to note, the anxiety appears in the day or two leading up to when I'm teaching. Not so much when I'm actually teaching. I'm too busy to be anxious when I'm in the midst of it. Making the lead-up time in many ways worse. But also, the aftermath is often unpleasant, as I reflect on how poorly I did, sometimes.
The bottom line is I really need to banish these unhelpful negative emotions. They really get in the way of enjoying my life and doing my best and are energetically draining. I'm still working on how to do that.
Soon it will be summer and I won't have to worry about that for several months since I won't be teaching. But the seed will still be there. The monster will just be slumbering, waiting for the right situation to rear it's head again.
I would like to be able to approach teaching at least with as much joy as I approach improv dance. With improv dance, I had a kind of freedom I gave myself. It was all made up, so I couldn't do it wrong. Whatever happened was right, and my job was just to be totally present so I could respond from a place of integrity.
Though I guess the other element that made it safe was I had a coach, who trained us (yes, you can train at improv dance.) and gave us the thumbs up when we were ready for performance. That is a very comforting thing. It kind of puts the responsibility for your performance on someone else. I trusted her not to put us out there if we weren't ready. I don't have that with teaching. We are very much getting thrust out there with I don't know how much preparation. I suppose the internship is preparation. But it is mostly under the supervision of a cooperating teacher, who is mainly a teacher of young children, not a teacher of teachers.
In any case, it's just a lot less comforting. I guess I need someone to repeatedly be telling me that I've done enough preparation and should feel good about going out and teaching. Or telling me that I'm not ready and here's why, and here's what to do about it to get ready.
This on the other hand, what I'm experiencing in this situation, is a lot more nebulous, fuzzy. Am I ready? Am I getting ready fast enough, so I'll be ready by the time I graduate? I don't know. And even my teachers say they have bad days.
And I can't just rely on whether my teaching felt good to me. That's so subjective. Having my proffessors come in and observe me is really super useful. I wish I could get that to continue after I graduate because that seems like one of the most useful things for understanding my level of readiness.
Anyways, this semester has been seriously stressful. It's not an accident, I think, that I've noticed my first gray hairs, during these months. But I'm a little worried about the summer as well, since there's going to be so much time when I'm not doing anything. I don't like doing nothing. It ends up feeling icky. I like being pleasantly busy, with things I know I'm proficient at. That's really the best. This semester, heck, this year, has been overbusy with things I'm not good at. That feels really bad.
The one positive of it is, as I said, I get to practice this renunciation of the fruits of action, as recommended in the Bhagavad-Gita. Hopefully, I will get good enough that no matter the situation, I feel balanced and good.
I'm technically on break now, for the next few days, because my internship is on break, but I still manage to feel anxious about my online children's class I'm teaching in a few hours this Sunday. I need to get over or reframe this anxiety. At least reframe it like I do with improv dance. Think of it as excitement, or energy. Even then, that's not the best... Think of it as enthusiasm then. That's better.
So it has been a great impetus to remember to continually surrender the fruits of my actions to God. Because frankly, I don't want most of them. They are probably bad fruits. Bad results, due to my negligence. There are some good results as well, but I don't want those either. it gives me joy to see the children happy and well served, but I have no desire to become attached to those outcomes, because it is then so painful when I am not successful in reaching them.
So, lots of practice with that, and with a throughout the day meditation of namasmarana (which translates to remembering the name of God. "Nama" means name, or salutations, "Smarana" means remembering or memory. At least, I think that's about right. My Sanskrit isn't top notch.) Which is useful for the frequent bouts of anxiety.
Interesting to note, the anxiety appears in the day or two leading up to when I'm teaching. Not so much when I'm actually teaching. I'm too busy to be anxious when I'm in the midst of it. Making the lead-up time in many ways worse. But also, the aftermath is often unpleasant, as I reflect on how poorly I did, sometimes.
The bottom line is I really need to banish these unhelpful negative emotions. They really get in the way of enjoying my life and doing my best and are energetically draining. I'm still working on how to do that.
Soon it will be summer and I won't have to worry about that for several months since I won't be teaching. But the seed will still be there. The monster will just be slumbering, waiting for the right situation to rear it's head again.
I would like to be able to approach teaching at least with as much joy as I approach improv dance. With improv dance, I had a kind of freedom I gave myself. It was all made up, so I couldn't do it wrong. Whatever happened was right, and my job was just to be totally present so I could respond from a place of integrity.
Though I guess the other element that made it safe was I had a coach, who trained us (yes, you can train at improv dance.) and gave us the thumbs up when we were ready for performance. That is a very comforting thing. It kind of puts the responsibility for your performance on someone else. I trusted her not to put us out there if we weren't ready. I don't have that with teaching. We are very much getting thrust out there with I don't know how much preparation. I suppose the internship is preparation. But it is mostly under the supervision of a cooperating teacher, who is mainly a teacher of young children, not a teacher of teachers.
In any case, it's just a lot less comforting. I guess I need someone to repeatedly be telling me that I've done enough preparation and should feel good about going out and teaching. Or telling me that I'm not ready and here's why, and here's what to do about it to get ready.
This on the other hand, what I'm experiencing in this situation, is a lot more nebulous, fuzzy. Am I ready? Am I getting ready fast enough, so I'll be ready by the time I graduate? I don't know. And even my teachers say they have bad days.
And I can't just rely on whether my teaching felt good to me. That's so subjective. Having my proffessors come in and observe me is really super useful. I wish I could get that to continue after I graduate because that seems like one of the most useful things for understanding my level of readiness.
Anyways, this semester has been seriously stressful. It's not an accident, I think, that I've noticed my first gray hairs, during these months. But I'm a little worried about the summer as well, since there's going to be so much time when I'm not doing anything. I don't like doing nothing. It ends up feeling icky. I like being pleasantly busy, with things I know I'm proficient at. That's really the best. This semester, heck, this year, has been overbusy with things I'm not good at. That feels really bad.
The one positive of it is, as I said, I get to practice this renunciation of the fruits of action, as recommended in the Bhagavad-Gita. Hopefully, I will get good enough that no matter the situation, I feel balanced and good.
I'm technically on break now, for the next few days, because my internship is on break, but I still manage to feel anxious about my online children's class I'm teaching in a few hours this Sunday. I need to get over or reframe this anxiety. At least reframe it like I do with improv dance. Think of it as excitement, or energy. Even then, that's not the best... Think of it as enthusiasm then. That's better.
Saturday, March 11, 2017
The Divine Play, and we all: merry actors on the stage
At least once a month, so here goes.
Very, very busy, and exhausted. More exausted than busy. I have time, but the time is spent in re-coup activities. I wish I could get more efficient with those activities, they end up taking quiet a lot of time.
I am anxious about my internship, anxious about the long stretch of days where I will be in charge. I am just generally feeling anxious and kind of bad about how little time an energy I'm devoting to preparing for my lessons, and also about how I feel... not particularly capable, as a teacher.
So I'm trying to do various things about that.
Some concepts/life lessons I'm working on, with myself:
Loving myself.
Man, this is a hard one for some of us. Easy to say, to know intellectually, but the actual emotional act of letting myself be ok just as I am, of being willing to accept the Univers's, God's, unconditional immense love, even with all the imperfections I still have... It's difficult. I guess it's difficult to believe, someone could love me that unconditionally. And so I really need to be working on loving and having confidence in myself, since that is kind of the hose nozzle, so to speak. No matter how much water is in the reservoir, no matter how big the hose, if the hose nozzle is tiny, only a tiny amount of water can come out at a time. That's like the universe's love and the nozzle is my ability to love myself. If I want more love, I have to allow it in. Be willing to accept it.
Why is it that I'm not willing to accept it? I suppose I'm frightened that it's not true, and if I accept it as true, I'll end up getting smited because God's not actually that forgiving. How fascinating. I thought I was way past over that view of God, but apparently my gut isn't.
Related: Going beyond Good and Evil.
This sounds kind of Nietzsche, which I'm not a fan of, so let me explain: our small, rational mind tries to figure out what is good, what to value, what is right and wrong. But that is not the place to act from. The place to act from is the voice of God within you. Ever fresh and personal. And listening to that voice is about living in the real world, and the real world is devoid of the limiting labels we have put on it, and the separating duality of hot and cold, pleasure and pain, good and bad. All is seen as one thing, dualities are seen as ends of one thing, like the two ends of a magnet, and though there is certainly a clear feeling for what is right and good, in terms of how to act, there is also the clear perception of the perfection of absolutely everything. And the understanding that all labels, even, "good" is just a concept that falls far short of the imminent truth.
It's easy to want to go beyond evil, but it can be more challenging to give up our limiting concepts of good. Don't get me wrong, I will listen ever more intently to the Voice of God within, but the desire to be right and good and perfect are, in the end, attachments that lead to bondage, not liberation. They are a necessary stepping-stone or training wheels, but eventually the external directions of what to do and not do must give way to the direct experience of living in the Immensity. So, working on bringing light to those tricky attachments to being a good boy.
And at the same time, working on living in that immensity, reality, and letting that giant force of God be the guide, the driver, the doer.
It is a challenging habit to try and cultivate. I want always-on awareness of God. Either through a spiritual awareness practice of some sort, or by doing the Bhagavad-Gita thing and dedicating all my actions and their fruits to God. Doing them for the save of the Atma, the supreme.
The good and evil, all the opposites, they are like a play. You, me, the actor, are not actually the character suffering horrible ills. Being in the world but not of it, being the lotus emerging from muck and water but being untouched by it, these are phrases for remembering that you're just playing a part in a fun play. The ups and downs happen, but not for real. But that doesn't mean sit down and go to sleep or quit. Play it to the hilt. Put on a good performance. But don't loose track of who you really are, and don't take the battle too seriously. It's all there for our entertainment and education.
There may be spelling errors, etc., in this post, but as I said I am quite busy, so it will just have to suffice.
May all the beings in all the worlds be happy. Including you.
May you have peace in your body, peace in your mind, and peace in your spirit.
In Truth,
-We
Very, very busy, and exhausted. More exausted than busy. I have time, but the time is spent in re-coup activities. I wish I could get more efficient with those activities, they end up taking quiet a lot of time.
I am anxious about my internship, anxious about the long stretch of days where I will be in charge. I am just generally feeling anxious and kind of bad about how little time an energy I'm devoting to preparing for my lessons, and also about how I feel... not particularly capable, as a teacher.
So I'm trying to do various things about that.
Some concepts/life lessons I'm working on, with myself:
Loving myself.
Man, this is a hard one for some of us. Easy to say, to know intellectually, but the actual emotional act of letting myself be ok just as I am, of being willing to accept the Univers's, God's, unconditional immense love, even with all the imperfections I still have... It's difficult. I guess it's difficult to believe, someone could love me that unconditionally. And so I really need to be working on loving and having confidence in myself, since that is kind of the hose nozzle, so to speak. No matter how much water is in the reservoir, no matter how big the hose, if the hose nozzle is tiny, only a tiny amount of water can come out at a time. That's like the universe's love and the nozzle is my ability to love myself. If I want more love, I have to allow it in. Be willing to accept it.
Why is it that I'm not willing to accept it? I suppose I'm frightened that it's not true, and if I accept it as true, I'll end up getting smited because God's not actually that forgiving. How fascinating. I thought I was way past over that view of God, but apparently my gut isn't.
Related: Going beyond Good and Evil.
This sounds kind of Nietzsche, which I'm not a fan of, so let me explain: our small, rational mind tries to figure out what is good, what to value, what is right and wrong. But that is not the place to act from. The place to act from is the voice of God within you. Ever fresh and personal. And listening to that voice is about living in the real world, and the real world is devoid of the limiting labels we have put on it, and the separating duality of hot and cold, pleasure and pain, good and bad. All is seen as one thing, dualities are seen as ends of one thing, like the two ends of a magnet, and though there is certainly a clear feeling for what is right and good, in terms of how to act, there is also the clear perception of the perfection of absolutely everything. And the understanding that all labels, even, "good" is just a concept that falls far short of the imminent truth.
It's easy to want to go beyond evil, but it can be more challenging to give up our limiting concepts of good. Don't get me wrong, I will listen ever more intently to the Voice of God within, but the desire to be right and good and perfect are, in the end, attachments that lead to bondage, not liberation. They are a necessary stepping-stone or training wheels, but eventually the external directions of what to do and not do must give way to the direct experience of living in the Immensity. So, working on bringing light to those tricky attachments to being a good boy.
And at the same time, working on living in that immensity, reality, and letting that giant force of God be the guide, the driver, the doer.
It is a challenging habit to try and cultivate. I want always-on awareness of God. Either through a spiritual awareness practice of some sort, or by doing the Bhagavad-Gita thing and dedicating all my actions and their fruits to God. Doing them for the save of the Atma, the supreme.
The good and evil, all the opposites, they are like a play. You, me, the actor, are not actually the character suffering horrible ills. Being in the world but not of it, being the lotus emerging from muck and water but being untouched by it, these are phrases for remembering that you're just playing a part in a fun play. The ups and downs happen, but not for real. But that doesn't mean sit down and go to sleep or quit. Play it to the hilt. Put on a good performance. But don't loose track of who you really are, and don't take the battle too seriously. It's all there for our entertainment and education.
There may be spelling errors, etc., in this post, but as I said I am quite busy, so it will just have to suffice.
May all the beings in all the worlds be happy. Including you.
May you have peace in your body, peace in your mind, and peace in your spirit.
In Truth,
-We
Sunday, February 5, 2017
Faith in a Just Universe
This blog currently has literally zero people viewing it. I wonder why I'm even posting to it, but then I just keep going because I like the idea of posting a more philosophical post every so often (once a month, is how I have the reminder set.)
Most of my philosophical rantings and ramblings are rather long, and I don't have time for that, as I mentioned last time. But I'd like to keep current, if I can.
I'm slowly getting better at having a constant awareness of the divine. Still a long ways off, but the habit is building, with considerable attention and reminders. Excellent. Also, I have more focus and will-power than ever. I can't see any logical reason for the change, when I'd tried changing so often in the past. Perhaps there is a reason, some simple profound thing that I could apply to other people and cure them of addictions in a trice. But I don't think so. I think it was kind of just working on it, trying different things, over a long period of time. Oh, there was one thing, I guess, that does seem to be the magic ingredient:
FAITH. Faith in God. My faith in the existence, benevolence, and active involvement of God in my life has given strength to my resolutions to follow dharma. (And addictions are decidedly not dharmic.) But can I give that to others? No. But I can share how I found it for myself: long search, and steady steps, trusting God as much as I could, experimenting, dipping my toes in the water, so to speak.
Like one of my favorite teachers says, when you're getting directions from a gas station attendant, you have at least enough faith in them to follow their directions. That's all that God is asking for. If the directions lead you astray, then don't have faith in that source of information anymore. But see the directions through to the end, at least, before giving up. Otherwise you'll never know if the gas station attendant is trustworthy or not. And unlike a gas station attendant, God is always showing up to give advice. You will see him(/her) again and again. So it's worth giving some initial faith. Enough to try things out.
Though it should be noted that there are lots of different sources claiming to be the word of God. You need to first find some that seem reliable, then test them, and if they aren't working, then perhaps they're not a good source of directions. But keep looking, because there are good sources. Should I tell you about mine? I don't know how helpful it would be, and I don't want to seem like I'm advertising, so I won't, unless someone specifically asks. me. Which currently is unlikely, as I'm the only person seeing this blog.
A translated quote from the Veda:
"Dharma supports those who support Dharma"
Ergo, in my mind:
"The universe supports those who follow their conscience."
Mind you, this is over the LONG run. Your short-term results may vary. This is one of the reasons Faith is very helpful.
Most of my philosophical rantings and ramblings are rather long, and I don't have time for that, as I mentioned last time. But I'd like to keep current, if I can.
I'm slowly getting better at having a constant awareness of the divine. Still a long ways off, but the habit is building, with considerable attention and reminders. Excellent. Also, I have more focus and will-power than ever. I can't see any logical reason for the change, when I'd tried changing so often in the past. Perhaps there is a reason, some simple profound thing that I could apply to other people and cure them of addictions in a trice. But I don't think so. I think it was kind of just working on it, trying different things, over a long period of time. Oh, there was one thing, I guess, that does seem to be the magic ingredient:
FAITH. Faith in God. My faith in the existence, benevolence, and active involvement of God in my life has given strength to my resolutions to follow dharma. (And addictions are decidedly not dharmic.) But can I give that to others? No. But I can share how I found it for myself: long search, and steady steps, trusting God as much as I could, experimenting, dipping my toes in the water, so to speak.
Like one of my favorite teachers says, when you're getting directions from a gas station attendant, you have at least enough faith in them to follow their directions. That's all that God is asking for. If the directions lead you astray, then don't have faith in that source of information anymore. But see the directions through to the end, at least, before giving up. Otherwise you'll never know if the gas station attendant is trustworthy or not. And unlike a gas station attendant, God is always showing up to give advice. You will see him(/her) again and again. So it's worth giving some initial faith. Enough to try things out.
Though it should be noted that there are lots of different sources claiming to be the word of God. You need to first find some that seem reliable, then test them, and if they aren't working, then perhaps they're not a good source of directions. But keep looking, because there are good sources. Should I tell you about mine? I don't know how helpful it would be, and I don't want to seem like I'm advertising, so I won't, unless someone specifically asks. me. Which currently is unlikely, as I'm the only person seeing this blog.
A translated quote from the Veda:
"Dharma supports those who support Dharma"
Ergo, in my mind:
"The universe supports those who follow their conscience."
Mind you, this is over the LONG run. Your short-term results may vary. This is one of the reasons Faith is very helpful.
Sunday, January 29, 2017
Lowku due to no time fuuuuuu!
I have very little time for this post, like, serious nega-time, but it's almost the next month and I want to get at least one post up per month. Thus, this may be haiku-like in its brevity. Except without the poignant, crafted refinement of a haiku. Maybe a lowku.
A sickness of the spirit.
Straining. Trying. Taking responsibility for my mediocracy as though I was a dog that just pooped the rug.
God doesn't want a bunch of sourpuss's walking around.
He wants a bunch of laughing children, happy and carefree, playing all the time. Playing hard.
It is an act of extream bravery to trust in the unerring perfection of the universe.
Well, until you see that's the truth of it. Then it's just obvious.
Who's moving these fingers across the keyboard? Who's creating these thoughts? Not me. Obviously not me. I'm not sure 'blame' is the right word, but it is clearly all God's doing. So stop taking responsibility. Play your part to the hilt in this amazing play, but stop pretending it's more than a drama on a stage, or that you wrote it.
Play to win, play with everything you've got,
but in the theater seat of your mind, grab some popcorn, sit back, relax, and
just enjoy the show.
A sickness of the spirit.
Straining. Trying. Taking responsibility for my mediocracy as though I was a dog that just pooped the rug.
God doesn't want a bunch of sourpuss's walking around.
He wants a bunch of laughing children, happy and carefree, playing all the time. Playing hard.
It is an act of extream bravery to trust in the unerring perfection of the universe.
Well, until you see that's the truth of it. Then it's just obvious.
Who's moving these fingers across the keyboard? Who's creating these thoughts? Not me. Obviously not me. I'm not sure 'blame' is the right word, but it is clearly all God's doing. So stop taking responsibility. Play your part to the hilt in this amazing play, but stop pretending it's more than a drama on a stage, or that you wrote it.
Play to win, play with everything you've got,
but in the theater seat of your mind, grab some popcorn, sit back, relax, and
just enjoy the show.
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