Projectile Vomiting while Driving Cross Country: A Study in Gratitude. Part 2

(this will make more sense if you read part one first)

Do you know what I was doing, while driving, curled up in a fetal ball, in too much pain to listen to the book on tape I had?

Well, first off I was trying not to think about those cheddar pretzel nuggets, because even the thought of them made me nauseous.

But mainly, I was thinking about what I had to be grateful for. Because in my opinion, and much more importantly, in my experience, everything in life has something to teach me. A gift to give. And even more directly useful, when I ask the question, "what is this teaching me?" It makes difficult situations either resolve quickly, or become more bearable, or even become wonderful. It is perhaps my most universal and powerful tool for transforming the sucky parts of my life.

Let me briefly indulge in some theory as to why I think this works:

A) Life is a school. This seems as true as any concept can be about the indescribable, bigger than any concept thing that reality is.

B) Because of this, when you ask, "what is this teaching me?" you are beelining for the teaching the experience is there to give you. Once you learn what it's there to teach, it doesn't need to be there any more. It's like a bitter math teacher who is smacking you with a ruler saying, "What's two plus two?! What's two plus two?! What's two plus two?!" You could just say, "wow, life sucks. I hate being hit repeatedly. Why me?" Or yell at her to stop. Or try to run away. But if you simply ask, "what is she trying to teach me?" And the answer comes back, "Math!" Then you think for a bit on the problem at hand, say, "Four!" And she stops hitting you. The difference being that life, God, the Universe, whatever you choose to call it, is not a crazy bitter child-hating teacher. It is an incredibly compassionate, loving, selfless teacher. More on this in the next point.

C) Asking this question, and then discovering the answers, creates gratitude. Gratitude is really enjoyable. If you want to be happy more of the time, think about the things you're grateful for. Not only will you be happier, but you'll start getting even more things to be grateful for! It's like a positive feedback loop. The state of gratitude allows even more abundance into your life. When you realize first hand that whatever difficulty you are facing is actually teaching you something deeply valuable, something you may not have had the internal motivation to learn without the whip prodding you on, there's nothing left to feel but gratitude.

Example: driving cross country with a stomach flu. What is this teaching me? Hmm, makes me think of that saying from Vedic literature, 'Oh, lord, let me be in constant agony so I never forget you!' Huh, I guess, being in pain, it's really easy to focus on my personal conception of God, or Universal Love, or what-have-you, because it makes the pain a bit less, and as soon as I stop focusing on it, I know immediately because I go back to hurting more. And I actually really enjoy my consciousness being in that expanded state, it's a walking, living meditation which I wouldn't have had the focus for otherwise. That's awesome!

Also, it's holiday season, and I usually over-eat on junk food and sugar. It's like a dietitian who travels with me and keeps me from eating too much bad food. Also I've got a nice reminder to not eat fast food ever again. Maybe I'll even feel nauseous at the thought of doing so. I won't need to use my willpower to follow through. Yay!

Now, these are my answers, and for me they are satisfactory, and I truly do feel deep gratitude from them. (and many other things this stomach flu is teaching me and giving to me.) You will need to find your own answers, if you ask the question, not just insert mine. It's all about the listening after the asking. My experience is, if you ask the question and just wait patiently for answers to come, stuff starts to shift quickly, and answers do come.

I have yet to encounter anything that this question can't transform. Though I can imagine theoretically that it wouldn't work if there was something you didn't want to accept as having any positive element to it. Maybe the death of a loved one, and you feel guilty at the thought of feeling gratitude at what their passing could teach you, so you don't really want to find an answer? But I'm into theory here. Whenever I've asked it, it's always created or expedited profound, powerful, positive transformation.

I suppose there are also probably people who don't like the idea that the world is a big school for us. I could add that it's also a big playground. One of my dear friends said: "Life is a school, and it's always recess!" I would clarify by saying that, since it's always recess, the teachers teach subtly, via the games that are being played. And some people, like my older niece, just want to play "Jail."

My Niece would 'trick' me into going out onto the porch patio, just past the small gate above the stairs down to ground level. She would slam the gate in glee and shout, "ha ha! I tricked you! There's no food down their! Now you're there forever! And there are snakes crawling all over you!" And I would appropriately respond with mock outrage at being trapped, and fear at the imaginary snakes. And the two year old would wander out (naked of course) and keep trying to spring me loose. Or join me, depending her mood. And I would demand better food (I didn't like the garbage and dirt at first offered) so she'd get me her plastic ice cream to eat. Then, satisfied, I would tell her a story (which she half created, unknowingly, because I would ask her to guess what the story was about, what was going to happen next, and whatever she guessed would be it.)

The story was about a woman who wanted to become a queen so she could marry the king, so she traveled to the magical land (which was down south). In the desert on the way there she got really thirsty and found an oasis guarded by a parsimonious lizard who wouldn't let her drink from his oasis. She changed his mind and got her drink by teaching him the joy of sharing. He then thanked her and went on his own adventure to try to win back his lady lizard love, with his new found understanding. That was the end of the story, because apparently it was time to play a different game now.

I finally draw to a close:

As a first postscript, it was with super-villain like glee that I proceeded to notice a significant improvement on her attitude of sharing with her little sister (who basically just wanted to have or do whatever her older sister was having or doing)

And as the second post script, this little story is an excellent analogy for Humanity. Life is a game, and we choose which game we want to play and then play it. Often we play the jail game, where we're stuck somewhere horrible. Or we're trying to keep something horrible out and away from us. Or we're punishing someone, or being punished. We make compromises so that others will keep playing our game with us. Sometimes people mess with our game, (think the two year old trying to bust me out of jail.) and we get mad at them and/or try to make them play by our rules. And sometimes we get tired of our game and decide to play a different one. Through it all, there is a benevolent, older, wiser intelligence, playing with us, mostly by the rules we've made up. It loves us, so it plays along, being the hardened criminal, if that's the game we want to play. Or resisting us, if we want to struggle. And secretly, it's teaching. Leading us step by step towards growth, by virtue of how it plays. When we learn what it teaches, it's delighted, and our life is better, because it has no self agenda, only a desire for our lasting and deep joy.

Notable differences:

Me playing with my niece: we're both pretty aware that it's a game. Also, I'm a new teacher, human, fallible, ever learning.

Life playing with us: for the most part we've forgotten the 'game' bit and take it as deathly serious. Life is a master teacher that knows us better than we know ourselves and never falters.

The bone deep realization that life is a game is not easy to achieve. It's probably synonymous with enlightenment or some other cool state of being. But the question 'what is this teaching me?' makes use of this deep structure of reality even if we aren't fully conscious of it yet, and helps us navigate it with grace and more of the experience of play that we will eventually end up with.


Life is a challenge, meet it!
Life is a game, play it.
Life is love, enjoy it.
Life is a dream, realize it.

(Quote: Sai Baba, page 6 of this book)

Projectile Vomiting while Driving Cross Country: A Study in Gratitude. Part 1

So, this last week:

Drove from Connecticut to Maryland, to my sister's house for Christmas. Spent time with the sis, and played with her kids (five and two) while she, and my parents, took care of things for the coming third baby (due right around the new year.) The two year old spent much of the first day running around naked, scratching her butt and putting her butt-smell hands all over everything while I cringed inwardly.

I'm waaaaaaaay more comfortable with little children now, after a teacher training and several of the SSE children's classes I've sat in on and helped teach as an assistant. There's certainly further to go though in the confidence department, especially with toddlers. The whole waste management aspect of childcare still gives me deer in headlights syndrome, but I at least now have confidence that, faced with the necessity and responsibility, I will overcome that discomfort as well and learn how to handle poop like a champ.

I later found out that the two year old might have had a stomach thing that was passing through the household and had already landed on my dad. I seemed to have dodged the bullet, and left the third day, starting the drive to Iowa. I stopped near dinner time and got some cheddar filled pretzel bites at Auntie Annie's at a service plaza along the way, and then pulled into an Econo Lodge for the night.

Let me interject some sage wisdom at this point: NEVER EAT AUNTIE ANNIE'S CHEDDAR FILLED PRETZEL BITES OH GOD PLEASE NO WHY!? THE PAIN WHY!!!?

Perhaps it was because I was currently successfully fighting off a stomach bug. Perhaps it was food poisoning. For certain, I was curled up in the bed, cursing the breach in my no fast food policy, feeling all sorts of interesting things happening in and around my stomach. I tossed and turned all night, sweating (because I cranked the heat up all the way and put a neck warmer on my head) and contemplating the pros and cons of vomiting. Not much sleep, but what I did get gave me some very interesting and vivid dreams.

I got up well before the sun rose, since I wasn't getting much sleep anyways, bought some Tums or something, orange juice, smart water, and curled up into a ball in the driver's seat with the cruise control on so I didn't have to keep my foot on the gas peddle. The tums made it worse. The smart water made it worse, the orange juice, in small quantities, did not make it worse, so I stuck with that, because I was getting a throbbing rhythm going in my head from dehydration.

Then, with a few stops to pass out for some sick-cat naps, I drove ten hours cross country, got to my aunt's house, and immediately passed out in bed.

Why am I telling you this? Aside from the mirth derived from other people's misfortune? Tune in for part 2  to find out ;)